The Tower of Druaga - IN ANOTHER TIME, IN ANOTHER WORLD. . .

THIS GAME HAUNTS ME IN MY NIGHTMARES. I CAN NEVER SLEEP.

The Tower of Druaga ruined my life.

Once, I was just like you. I played decent games. Unbelievable, but I once had good taste. This abruptly changed in May '07, as I stumbled upon the Namco Museum series on the Playstation. By chance, I found a copy of the 5th volume, and decided that I had to catch 'em all after falling in love with games like Baraduke and The Legend of Valkyrie. However, it turns out that the best volumes are actually 4 and 5, because the first three generally have the same games you've played a billion times- Pac-Man, Dig-Dug, Pole Position, and all that stuff. That said, each one has one token 'what the hell is this' game, and Volume 3 (the one I found next) has two of them- one's Phozon and the other is The Tower of Druaga. Now, I'd heard about this game's apparently brutal difficulty, but paid it no heed.

What I didn't know is that The Tower of Druaga is seething evil, and all who play it are lost causes.

This is the main reason I decided to do a quickie rather than taking The Tower of Druaga through what we call 'The Full English' down at Gaming Hell HQ- every screenshot is going to LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THIS. I'm sorry.

This is the main reason I decided to do a quickie rather than taking The Tower of Druaga through what we call 'The Full English' down at Gaming Hell HQ- every screenshot is going to LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THIS. I'm sorry.

I think Gil is a pretty cool guy. eh suffers through waves of Slimes and doesnt afraid of anything.

IN ANOTHER TIME, IN ANOTHER WORLD... OUR PROOFREADERS NEVER GET PAID.

Actually, Ki is pretty bad-ass. You'll find out to what extent if I ever quit procrastinating and get the Return of Ishtar guide on the site.

If you look at the amount of time left, you might think that's generous. In truth, it flits by faster than Sony is losing credibility these days. HA HA HA TOPICAL SATIRE

Released in 1984, and re-released in 1996 on the aforementioned Namco Museum Vol. 3, The Tower of Druaga is part Pac-Man, part Dungeons and Dragons, and all cruel punishment for you, the player, who dares to drop a coin in and sully the machine with your very presence. The story is delivered in a very badly-translated story screen, as shown above- the maiden Ki's been kidnapped by that ne'er-do-well Druaga, and as Gilgamesh the Golden Knight (named after the hero of the Sumerian legend, The Epic of Gilgamesh) your mission is to climb 60 floors of the tower, defeat Druaga, rescue the maiden, and try to keep your sanity in the process.

USE KEYS TO OPEN DOORS

OPEN TREASURE BOXES, DON'T SHOOT THEM! (Well, except for the floor in the Playstation version where one of the chests is fake, and you have to hover your sword over them to find out where the real one is. Good luck with that.)

Gil can't really do much; he can move in the 4 cardinal directions, he can unsheath his sword to kill enemies (you can either hold the button and walk into enemies with it, or tap it so Gil simply swings the sword then re-sheaths it) and, with the appropriate item, he can destroy walls by standing still and tapping the button. That's all there is to the controls. Each level in the game has 3 common elements: a door, a key, and a hidden treasure that needs to be uncovered. While the map, treasure, enemies and the method to find the treasure remains the same every time you play for each floor, the placement of the door and key is always randomised. Naturally, each one is populated with monsters that can kill Gil in one touch. Since I took the time to grab the sprites, here's a rogue's gallery:

Slimes
A giant lump of snot!

A... God, I don't even want to know what this is.

Pathetic little things that just serve to annoy you. Watch out though, the stronger ones can fire magic at you!

Magicians
Gandalf the White!

These guys teleport in, cast a spell (either a projectile that can kill you or break walls, or a small fire in front of them) then teleport away. Annoying.

Knights
Medieval Robocop!

The Knights engage in a little swordplay with Gil- to kill them, you have to walk into them repeatedly with your sword drawn out.

Ghosts
A dead Ringwraith!

Being ghosts, these things don't care for the laws of physics, and will teleport through walls to get you. Some of them also use magic.

Ropers
A... Thing!

Basically the same as the Knights, except faster, and they take a lot longer to kill. Good luck taking them on!

Dragons and The Quox
A green Cubone!

A... GOOD LORD WHAT IS THIS WHY IS IT SMILING LIKE THAT?!

The Big Bads of the game. Unless you find a few special items, these guys take forever to kill, and also launch fire at you.

Will 'o Wisp
A red tumbleweed!

The 'time-out' enemies of the game, they can't be killed at all, although the Ring items give you protection from them.

Druaga
A green clown!

The final boss, Druaga will run around at ridiculous speeds, launching magic spells at you constantly. GOOD LUCK.

Oh, no.

I'm going to have to caption all of these things.

I suppose there's the argument that no-one will actually notice.

I rue the day I learned to do this captioning bullshit.

I even rue it while making love to a beautiful woman.

Back when this site was supposed to be about Bloody Roar 2.

I'd discovered that my captions were no longer working in Firefox.

Which, y'know, is the web browser I use.

I guess this 'captioning' nonsense is both a blessing and a curse.

I'm always wondering whether it's funny or not.

There's also the fact that I've decided not to cover games because they'd be hard to caption.

Then again, I always leave it until the last minute.

Perhaps that's why I lack enthusiasm while doing them.

I'm particularly fond of the running joke in the Hard Head 2 article.

In case you missed it, I only ever refer to the dude in that as 'Rumpole' in the captions. Never the actual text.

Just one of those little things, y'know.

Still, not sure why I felt the compulsion to rip all these sprites.

The truth is, I was originally going to give this game the Wretch! Videogames!! treatement.

I was going to use the sprites for that.

Got half of them done before I changed my mind, I was basically ripping my info wholesale from StrategyWiki.

But then, much later, I got bored, and decided to bring this shit back

Now, this all seems fine and dandy, but if the enemy descriptions didn't somehow tip you off, the secret treasures of the game are pretty important. Look at all of 'em up there, huh? Admittedly, it was a special kind of hell to grab the sprites for all these items from the game, but I wanted to prove a point- there's a lot of different items in this game. Each item has a specific purpose, be it boost Gil's health (this only applies when you're fighting the knights, as touching anything with your sword sheathed will kill you), unlock certain treasure chests, speed Gil up, allow you to see ghosts on later floors, and so on. Some of them are utterly necessary to beat the game, some only serve to make better items available later on, and others actually bad for you, like the Evil Gauntlet which robs Gil of his ability to use his sword. Not that you'd know it's an Evil Gauntlet when you open the treasure chest to get it, but whatever. So, these items are what you'll find in the treasure chests. All you have to do is uncover the way of making the chest appear.

It's this 'revealing the treasure chest' nonsense that gives the game its reputation. This is because...

This is one of the earlier levels, back when the game holds your hand a little, and the treasure chests are easy enough for non-university students to uncover.

This is one of the earlier levels, back when the game holds your hand a little, and the treasure chests are easy enough for non-university students to uncover.

FUN FACT: The Lizardman that shows up as a playable character in the Soul Calibur series is, in fact, intended to be one of the Lizardmen from this very game. THE MORE YOU KNOW, FOLKS.

This is the screen that greets you if you do something the game doesn't want you to do. In the cruellest scenario imaginable, attacking Ishtar on one of the later levels zapped me back TO LEVEL 11. Good God!

Hilariously enough, this is one of the later levels. CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?! (The answer is no)

You are given absolutely no clues in finding these treasure chests. Not a jot. The game gives you no help. On the first couple of floors, this is practically a non-issue, as you'll probably uncover the chest by accident- objectives such as 'kill 2 Green Slimes' and 'reflect a spell from a Mage' aren't terribly taxing things to do, but as you get further into the game, these methods become increasingly obtuse and downright twisted. How about the one where you have to make sure a Druid teleports onto the bottom row? The one where you have to stand still for 10 seconds? The one where you have to kill all the Wizards on a level, and nothing else? The one where you have to tap in a certain button combination which is never hinted at? The one where you have to kill all the enemies in a specific order, then find a real Wizard among 4 fakes ones that are trying to kill you, then kill Druaga?! My personal favourite is Floor 31, where to get the treasure, you have to pess the Start button. It's so simple, yet it throws the conventions of video games right out the window- who's going to figure that out by themselves?!

This isn't the only thing that makes the game so notoriously hard, because even if you've got a guide, don't expect a walk in the park. Not only must you be a total expert and know all of the obtuse reveal methods to stand a chance at beating the game, but you also need to wrestle with Gil himself, who is terribly, horribly slow even with the speed-up item. There's also the enemies, who will always be faster than you, show up at the most inopportune moments, and as mentioned, can kill you with a single touch. They'll also sometimes screw you over in some way which makes getting the treasure impossible, forcing you to restart the entire game. There's 60 floors of this, so the average video gamer will most likely find it interminable, giving up in despair after 5 minutes.

Actually, the fire from the Quox is nicely animated for a game this old. Very smooth movement, you see. Maybe that's where the entire animation budget went.

Actually, the fire from the Quox is nicely animated for a game this old. Very smooth movement, you see. Maybe that's where the entire animation budget went.

I'm not sure if this thing's name is supposed to be Quox or Quarks, but he's a force to be reckoned with, despite looking as cute as a button.

This is... You're kidding, right? THIS is the final boss?!?

If that's the case, then why would anyone willingly subject themselves to this madness?! American gamers already answered this question when the game was play-tested in arcades over there- it was a total flop. It wasn't well-received on Namco Museum Vol. 3 either, and from here on, the reviews for the series would only get lower. Japanese players gave their own answer- they love this stuff. There's several sequels, an anime series which makes no sense, and an MMORPG based on the game. How is this possible?! The game popped up in Gamasutra's 20 Difficult Games article and they try to explain it through the difference between Western "I'm not jumping through these bloody hoops, go swivel on it, Namco" and Japanese "The hoops can be jumped through with the right items, even though it is difficult" mentalities. They also point out the whole 'co-operate with your fellow masochists to find out all the secrets of this game!' aspect of the series, which makes sense if you compare it to one of the games that Druaga seems to have served as the basis for- The Legend of Zelda on the NES. Both have pretty difficult puzzles, but whereas The Legend of Zelda gives you loads of concessions (being able to save, reliable ways to defend yourself) The Tower of Druaga, possibly because of its arcade origins, is far less merciful to the player. With teamwork, and a lot of trial and error, I suppose the game could be entertaining, but this sort of 'arcade community' is basically dead these days...

If, however, you decide to play the game by yourself with a guide by your side, then you can actually have fun with this game- yes, that strange word FUN can actually apply to this game- in an utterly perverse way. The idea of struggling against a game that does absolutely everything in its power to put you down, where every level completed is another tiny and insignificant victory against the malicious game designer, has some sort of weird appeal. It's like The Tower of Druaga is Goliath, and you're David, except that this time Goliath only dies if you have 3 different crystal rods, then you run between his legs five times, then six times in the opposite direction, then kill the Roman soldiers on the left (but not the right) then throw a stone in his left eye, then the right one twice, and finally the left eye three times. All without being touched. Admittedly, using a guide takes away the feeling that you're beating this game with only your wits, but The Tower of Druaga never plays fair- why should you?

THIS IS HAPPY END

Behold, the Goddess Ishtar, also known as the laziest asshole in the world. She's the one who sent you on this quest and SHE'S ON THE LAST LEVEL, waiting for you. What a bitch!

<insert standard joke about proofreaders here>

FUN FACT: As you collect equipment, Gil's appearance changes. This is how he looks at the end of the game. Neat!

Even short articles deserve HIGH SCORE TABLE TIME with amusing names in place of my own!

I know all of this, dear reader, because I have actually completed the game myself. After buying Vol. 3, I lost several nights in the spring of 2007, plugging away at this game with a guide to hand, usually getting to Floor 13 before something would go horribly wrong, and the air would turn a very blue colour as I, shall we say, vented my frustration with new and interesting words. I exploited every trick in the book- consulting the guide constantly (which is actually in the manual so at least the game is upfront about how hard this thing is), avoiding all the bad items, and continuing a lot (you can do this by holding down the button and pressing Start after getting a game over) and, eventually, was 'rewarded' with the little ending shown above. I don't know if it was worth all the lost time or not, but I've never felt so satisfied with finishing a game in my entire life.

I'm really not sure whether I should recommend playing The Tower of Druaga. It's frustrating, ugly, and the brief flashes of enjoyment that come from conquering each insane task is bookended by non-stop suffering, but there's something very satisfying about kicking this game to the kerb, which will eventually happen... If you have the patience. Besides, a lot of die-hard retro gamers often pine for the days when games were a real challenge- The Tower of Druaga exemplifies this in spades. So, if you're sick of modern games holding your hand with endless tutorials, and want a bona fide challenge that will almost certainly crush your enthusiasm for all forms of electronic entertainment, be my guest! Take on the challenge of this game, and curse me profusely for introducing you to it!

If you're crazy enough to listen to me, and actually want to sample the delights of The Tower of Druaga in a legitimate way, you've got a lot of options- there's versions of it available on Namco Museum Vol. 3 for the Playstation (which comes with robust stat-tracking and a mini-guide), Namco Museum on the PSP, Namco Museum DS on the (duh) Nintendo DS (probably the best version, as it comes with solutions on the bottom screen), Namco Museum: Virtual Arcade for the Xbox 360, and finally, you can download it for 500 Wii Points from the Virtual Console Arcade. Amazingly, for a game that bombed so drastically in American arcades, all of these re-releases are available in Western territories, so you don't have an excuse not to subject yourself to it.

If you complete it, you're either insane or some kind of hero, and either way, I salute you, soldier.

Just before we depart, though, there's one more thing to share with you.

This is the German guide to The Tower of Druaga, taken from Namco Museum Vol. 3.'s instruction manual. Click it for a readable version.

Why am I putting this here? Just look a little closer...

I don't speak German very well, aside from a few swear words and the word for 'Ambulance', so I can't tell you if it is correct on Mr. Lisle's behalf.

I don't speak German very well, aside from a few swear words and the word for 'Ambulance', so I can't tell you if it is correct on Mr. Lisle's behalf.

James, if you're reading this, get in touch! We want to interview you!

Looks like someone left some translation notes for a Mr. James Lisle in the final product... Whoops!

And, just for the hell of it, here's the English guide:

Back to the index for you, since you're obviously not hardcore enough to challenge this game!